Interruptions in My World
I think, I have gone through both of the above, living a good life in a steady normal way and had times that brought the real world and good in it into focus. When my daughter died, other than a tragic feeling of loss, I experienced so much good. Our family bonded and became closer. Sharing such an experience with honest emotion striking us with full force, we saw how much we really had. We all knew, we had to make the best of what we were given and we all want to be what would make my daughter happy where she is now.
We felt the emptiness without a person who changed life for each of us but we also talked and learned from her life. She suffered the last few years but despite this, she managed to lead a full life. Four of her children got married during this time and except for the last one which took place the day before she left us, she was present, smiling and being Mommy to her kids and wife to her husband. She looked beautiful, held her head up high and a radiant smile lit up her face. She also went to her baby sister's wedding in this time frame and it is such a blessing to have photos of the family together.
The point, I had wanted to make was that life goes on and we manage to hang on tight and hopefully enjoy the time. Then something happens and it shakes our core. This happened to me, this week. I know you are expecting some major event but it was not. It was a simple phone call with a mother of one of the kids in my class.
I had been told by others that she was difficult but I have had no problems. Her son did well and she did not cause a ripple. People were surprised. This week, she changed that and all it took was showing herself through that phone call.
I am not sure if you have met a person who is so disturbed, at the moment, that she leaves you shaking. Well, this Mom did just that. She came across warped and sick and mostly unhappy. The words from her mouth, mostly untrue, were plain evil. No, she did not curse me or anything like that. She just talked about her son and made up lie after lie about his school situation. Knowing what she said was not true, there was no reason to take her seriously or personally. What I was left with was real fear for her son and fear for her and the most unsettling feeling.
I don't know how to analyze this and I don't want to discuss this with anyone. I would guess, this mother, has few friends and I really don't want anyone to know what she is like, if they don't already. I spoke to my principal but I feel like it is bottled up inside of me. It is that feeling of discomfort with the world, with God's world, with my world, and all that is in it. It is as if her sickness and negativity is sticking to me and I can't shake it. I think, I feel dirty, being exposed to such venom and self-delusion.
I can only hope, I can shake this, but each day, I must face the child and hurt for him. Today, I bent over backwards to be especially nice to him. He is, as you might guess, also disturbed. He is angry and picks on the other children in the class. He interrupts us when we are having fun and when we are learning. He spits, calls across the room, lies and is a big bully.
In a class of children who are really respectful and a majority who want to move forward, he stands out and doesn't belong. ........but what would he do without us?
I am working on understanding why this has had such a strong impact on me. If you have any insight into my ramblings, please do share.